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i really thought long and hard about whether to write this post or not and share it on our blog. for me i always wanted our blog to be a positive space, celebrating the simple but beautiful things in life. that is not to say our life is perfect (who's is?!) but i just didn't want negativity to have a home here. family and honesty however does, and this is why i have decided to share this.

a few weeks back we suffered a miscarriage.

there i typed it, that awful word. a word that at times seems shrouded in secrecy. a word i am only now beginning to accept.

you see we weren't even trying. when we found out we were pregnant we were overcome by shock. my initial thoughts were how the hell are we going do this? two under two?! damn it, i didn't buy a double stroller!

all these thoughts seem so indulgent and trivial now.

while we were getting our heads around the idea and getting excited little did we know our little one had already stopped growing at six weeks. mother nature, i felt this was particularly cruel of you.

we found out days before our twelve week scan when i started to bleed.

now i know our situation is common and obviously something wasn't right, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

we've spent the last few weeks letting go. letting go of our little one and letting go of the future we thought we'd have with he or she. 

the sadness has been overwhelming. i've felt like a magnet to sadness, anything sad going on i've absorbed it. like the weight of the worlds sadness was on my shoulders, sounds dramatic i know, but it is just how i have felt.

sad for those who have ever been through this.
even sadder for those where it happens later on in pregnancy. to anyone this has happened to i am in awe of your strength, my heart sincerely goes out to you.
sad for those who received the same news as ourselves but don't have a little one to go home to.
sad for the ones who like us have gone home to a little one and know the full weight of what they've lost.
just, sad.

i cling to one of my motto's in life, everything happens for a reason, and i have to believe that in this situation.

we've shared so much on this blog celebrating caleb. it only feels right that this little one should be here too.

so here are a few words we wrote for you, little one when we found out you were gone.

you were there, fleetingly, for six whole weeks. now you're not.

too fragile for this world. let it be known though, you were loved, you were wanted. you were ours.

you stole a piece of our hearts the day we found about you, that part of our heart is now yours to keep, that way we will always be connected.

we love you
mummy, daddy and caleb xx

15 comments

  1. You're all amazing. Stay strong. What a beautiful post and beautiful words. Heaps of love xxx

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  2. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  3. So sorry for your loss Claire, it really does help to write down your feelings. We too were not trying when we found out I was pregnant with twins. First we loss one and then we lost the second one. It was awful and has taken me a very long time to cope with this. I still think about them, but I like to think that Steve's mum needed a couple of grandkids to keep her company, so she is looking after them for me. If you need anything, just pm me Claire. Even if it's just so you have somewhere to rant when you feel crap.

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  4. So so so sorry for you loss. That was such a lucky baby to have such a beautiful family. I am so sorry.

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  5. So sorry for your loss! Hugs xxxxx

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  6. Sorry for your loss, thinking of your little family x

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  7. it's the absolute worst thing to experience. it's been almost two years since mine but it does get easier. hang in there, mama!

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  8. I'm sorry for your lose and admire your strength in sitting down and writing down what is swimming around in your head, I'm so very sorry.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had magic words of comfort and I don't. Sending hugs your way!

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  10. I'm so truly sorry for your loss. A harsh reminder too us all of the fragile nature of life and how much of a miracle our little one's are.

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  11. you're a very strong person and i'm so sorry for your loss, this must be so hard for you and your family. i like this post because it shows the strength you have to go through this and that no matter how hard it is you're not alone. my motto is also everything happens for a reason so when the time is right this little house will be blessed again so stay strong and be grateful for what you have! xxxxxxx

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  12. big hugs! i'm so sorry for your loss and the pain that you and your family are going through. you have an incredible attitude. it's so sweet that you are giving due acknowledgement on the blog and sharing with us. take your time, you feel what you do. xo!

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  13. I'm very sorry that this happened to you guys. It happened to me too however I guess I am one of those that you feel sad for, as there wasn't a sweetheart like yours to go home to nor will there likely ever be. So I guess we're sad for one another because the experience is really awful. Sending a warm hearted virtual hug your way.

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  14. So sorry for your loss, I remember everything you went trough as I did too :( I was shocked, then happy then that horrible moment when you get told is just awful... it took me a long time to try again and had to more more healthy babys ((hugs))

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  15. We are so very sorry for your loss. Your words to your little one are beautiful and I hope you all find peace. Sending lots of love and well wishes your way. <3 erica

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