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life after a miscarriage has been like wading in water.

there are times when i have felt so tired i have slipped under the water. breath held. willing the pain to go away, and then comes strength. the strength to get back to the surface.

gasping for air, and the welcome rush of it into my lungs.

the early days were so up and down. more down. lots of holding my breath.

but now i feel like i'm out of that big body of water. on dry land.

it has been over three months. three months since we found out our little one had gone.

i think naivety played a big part in our shock and sadness. we already had a beautiful big healthy boy, surely that meant good things for our second pregnancy. how wrong we were.

in truth i had a feeling something wasn't quite right.

i just didn't feel pregnant.

i tried to push that feeling (or lack there of) away, but now when i look back i know it was my instincts speaking to me and not the usual pregnancy fear as i had hoped.

the support we have received has been incredible. from the hospital, to our friends and family, to you lovely readers.

speaking has really helped,

and the chance to write down my thoughts.

the anger and sadness has been replaced with acceptance.

we feel hopeful for the future.

i'm proud of this little family, we're a unit, a team and without that we would have sank.

so for anyone out there who is going through something similar right now. it gets easier. it never goes away but it gets easier. keep your head above water, keep wading, and when you have the strength, swim to shore. the dry land is waiting for you and all the hope that the future brings.

11 comments

  1. I'm so sorry for your lose, you've written your thoughts beautifully.
    and I LOVE your photo - beautiful colours xx

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    1. so lovely of you to say, rachael. writing everything down has really helped x

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  2. Such a beautifully written passage about something so sad. :( Hugs from Chicago!
    xox
    giedre

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  3. Another amazingly brave and honest post, I have so much empathy for you and your family!

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    1. everyone support is amazing, thank you debra x

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  4. So true Claire. I think that I wasn't fully able to talk about my miscarriage without getting upset until after the first anniversary of when it happened. I still feel sad about it now, but not in the same way as before. Having our new baby to look forward to in March has really helped too, and I know that the anniversary this month won't be as hard as it was last year. Time really does help! And talking about it. Love and hugs xx

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    1. i am over the moon for you and your family, gill!
      one thing i've learnt is that the pain will never fully go away, but the intensity of that pain, with time, does ease.
      thank you for all your support, it really has meant a lot.
      i hope you're keeping well and taking it easy (well as easy as you can with two boys ha ha) xx

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    2. Thanks Claire! I am keeping well, but totally shattered! No time to rest with two boys to deal with!

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