FINDING MY CONFIDENCE
If you'd told my younger self that at the age of 37 I'd be prancing around yellow fields having my picture taken and then posting them on the internet, I would have told you, you were straight up crazy.
Yet here I am, and let me tell you, it feels good to prance around in a field of yellow.
I've been in a reflective mood this week after turning another year older, and it struck me just how much has changed in the past 12 months, for the better. It's been a year of regaining my confidence, but mostly a year of letting go.
Letting go of fear. Letting go of self-doubt. Letting go of what people think of me.
All the above didn't happen overnight, the progress has been slow and steady, but it's only now I feel like I'm reaping the rewards, like a huge shift has happened. Cue running through yellow fields singing the hills are alive ;)
36 was definitely a year were I discovered 'me' again. Being a mum is a huge part of my identity and I'm really proud of that fact, but somewhere along the way I lost a true sense of self, and the repercussions that had on my confidence (although I didn't realise it at the time) were huge.
This was largely why I went into panic mode at the idea of the boys starting school and nursery, because without them who was I? What was I going to do? Where would I find the confidence to be anything else other than their mum??
Now it's true what they say about timing is everything. I'd been working away at my blog and Instagram for years, for no other reason than it filled a huge creative void. Then as the boys went to school and nursery I found I could really dedicate proper time to these spaces that I'd built from scratch. I suddenly found myself with my own business.
Is it silly that it's taken me a year to feel comfortable saying that? That I have my own business. I actually feared for a while that if I said it out loud it would evaporate before my very eyes. Impostor syndrome has been strong and is somewhat an ongoing battle for me. Then there is the anxiety that came along with my new found business. I've never really dealt with anxiety before so that's been a huge learning curve for me too. I'll talk more about that in depth in another post.
So here I am at 37, and I can honestly say I'm excited for the year ahead. I'm excited to challenge myself, to continue to step out of my comfort zone. I'm excited to grow my business and I'd love to share that with you along the way. To share the highs and lows, my dos and dont's, my own personal experience with it all. There's so many blog posts I've shied away from sharing before now because I literally haven't had the confidence in myself. That stops now at 37. I'm claiming back this space from my negative, self-deprecating self and sharing more of myself here. I finally have the confidence in my abilities and what I can bring to the table.
My dress is Zara and can be found here, and my favourite bag for summer is from The White Company and can be here.
